LOVEanon: Dating Pt. 2: Finding Your Habibi Online

The second that was mentioned included the authenticity of these "science-based" algorithm matches. Many of the problems with dating sites is that they claim their algorithms for matching individuals is not just accurate, but scientific as well. However, according to the authors, "If dating sites want to claim that their matching algorithm is scientifically valid, they need to adhere to the standards of science, which is something they have uniformly failed to do...to date, there is no compelling evidence that any online dating matching algorithm actually works" (citation from here). These standards of science include their research methods, statistical analyses, and independent replication. Moreover, in saying this, these sites are exercising deceptive advertising related to these scientific claims and their consumer's testimonials--especially if they are fee-based and charge users for their services. As the author in the Digital Trends article wrote, "In addition, the authors point out that the algorithms focus on short-term versus long term, and fails to take into account how partners grow and mature over time or life circumstances that could help or hurt the relationship."

Other studies exist regarding online dating as well (and Finkel et al. provides a great review). For instance, Anderson (2005) found that those who were more computer-savvy and spent more time online had a more favorable/positive perception of online romances/romantic relationships. Additionally, online dating tends to be dominated by individuals above the age of 30 (e.g., Valkenburg and Peter, 2007) and a disproportionate male-to-female ratio (more women than men) (Finkel et al., forthcoming), which can lead to demographic inequalities among younger individuals looking for a romantic partner, especially women. Also, research has shown that deception is a very common tool used by participants in online dating, although many of the individuals that Toma, Hancock, and Ellison (2008) interviewed indicated that this deception is subtle and small (e.g., not a lie per se such as they look like someone they are not, but there were small "adjustments" to their actual age, height, or weight, or a photo that was chosen that either presents them in their best light, or ones that had been edited). They often did not include deceptive information about relationship information and status as well as children. Lastly, Baker (2002) found individuals who "first met in places based upon common interests, who communicated for long periods of time before meeting offline without too much intimacy, who worked through barriers to becoming closer, and who negotiated conflict well" tended to stay together if they met online. This points to four factors that she indicated often determine if an online romance will persist: (1) Meeting place (where they first encountered each other online); (2) Obstacles, barriers to getting together overcome by the couples (e.g., distance and previous relationships); (3) timing (the period spent writing or talking before meeting offline, and how intimate they became before meeting offline); and (4) Conflict resolution (the ability of the people to resolve problems in communication). Of course, cross-cultural variations in perceptions, attitudes, and experiences differ as well (e.g., Yum and Hara, 2006).

SO... I know that was a lot, I just wanted to establish that online dating isn't some stupid topic. It's a multi-million dollar industry that has been thoroughly researched, and is really influencing many people's lives. I don't want to make the judgement that you should or shouldn't use them, you have to do that for yourself. But you can make more informed judgements about what to use. And this is exactly what I would like to do now: offer a little bit about some dating websites, and my mini-analysis of them.

First of all, if you aren't interested in a dating-site per se and you want to stick to Facebook, this website reviews a cool Fb application called Yoke. It's a cool app that actually uses your existing data and the data from your friends and their friends to suggest individuals to you that matches your own interests. So, although it might be weird to meet someone online, if they have a common friend with you, they can set you up, put in a good word for you, or give you/them credible advice about you/that person. AND the best part is even if you aren't looking, you can suggest individuals to friends/play matchmaker. Check it out, and the article that reviews it.

Other options other than matching sites are three that are listed here. Check them out as well, but bear in mind they may not all be available for individuals here in Lebanon.

With all of that said, here's the review of some dating sites I either know or found:

General online dating sites:

These three sites are definitely the most professional (e.g., maintained, aesthetically pleasing, good website coding, etc.) but also the most general. These are all connected to social media such as Facebook and Twitter as well.

1. OKCupid.com. My rating: 4.5/5. I'm actually on OKCupid to advertise my blog (LOVEanonBlogger), and though I'm not currently interested in meeting anyone for obvious reasons, I really like the site. Somethings I love about it is the ease of use, the really nice fonts and colors, the settings and mobile apps that are available, and the fact that it is free. In fact, the founder of OKC wrote an extensive blog post about why you should never pay for online dating. I also like how they are really respectful of alternative lifestyles. The best part? It's available and up-and-running here in Lebanon!

2. Match.com. My rating: 1/5. I give it this because it doesn't actually work in Lebanon!

3. eHarmony.com. My rating: 3/5. eHarmony loses points for me because of the "science" they purport in their advertising as well as the fact that it isn't as open to alternative lifestyles as other sites. It's definitely the most controlling, and that isn't necessarily a bad thing. You have to be 21 or older to use it, but aside from the cool personality profile, it's also fee-based. Additionally, I'm not sure if it's available in Lebanon, however, there are many international variations of the site.

Arab-specific dating services:

There are a few services out there to connect Arab individuals together, no matter what your religion is. Here are a few:

1. ArabLounge.com. My rating: 3.5/5. It's actually pretty well-done, though not the best. It allows you to search for individuals based on their age, gender, as well as specific Arab ancestry which is pretty cool. And they have pages specifically for different countries (like Lebanon). There's also an "advice doctor" that acts as an Arab relationship guru people can discuss issues with. On their homepage, they indicate that they are VeriSigned Secured, and it's free as well. It's offered in different languages, and also includes a lot of "about us" links and information at the bottom. They lose points to me because it's not as aesthetically pleasing as you would have wanted it to be. Still, this only effects their perceived credibility, not their actual credibility.

2. Arabs2Arabs.com. My rating: 3/5. Like with the previous site, it's actually not a bad site. It asks about where you would like to meet someone (e.g., if you are in the US, etc.), but doesn't ask for you to specify which ancestry you are looking for. However, it most likely will match you based on your religion and ethnicity. The biggest place it loses points for though is that the full service is not free. It seems fairly well-done as well, but I could not access the profile pages without signing up.

3. ArabMatchmaking.com. My rating: 2/5. It's free, but really not done too well to the point where I doubt its credibility. I also think it's connected to the previous site (A2A) by the same parent company.

4. ArabicDating.com. My rating: 2/5. It's not very well-done or pretty at all, which in my opinion effects its credibility. But they are also free, and funded by donations which is pretty cool. It's more of a dating classifies site than a matching site as well.

5. LebaneseCupid.com. My rating: 3.5/5. I really like that 1. it's free, 2. it's actually quite professional, 3. they have a link regarding online safety, and 4. they are VeriSigned approved. Also, they have links to Facebook and Twitter. Furthermore, it's not really a matching site, however it might match if you sign up.

So, there you go, it's a start. Let me know what you think of these sites or if you know of any other good sites/resources. Also, let me know what you think of online dating in general, or if there's anything else I can do/talk about to shed more light on this topic. Let's talk about this!

Do a little dating, and spread the love,
-Ogie

References:

Anderson, Traci L. 2005. "Relationships among Internet Attitudes, Internet Use, Romantic Beliefs, and Perceptions of Online Romantic Relationships." Cyber Psychology & Behavior, 8(6): 521-531.

Baker, Andrea. 2002. "What Makes an Online Relationship Successful? Clues from Couples who Met in Cyberspace." Cyber Psychology & Behavior, 5(4): 363-75.

Finkel, Eli J., Paul W. Eastwick, Benjamin R. Karney, Harry T. Reis, and Susan Sprecher. Forthcoming. "Online Dating: A Critical Analysis From the Perspective of Psychological Science." Psychological Science in the Public Interest.

Toma, Catalina L., Jeffrey T. Hancock, and Nicole B. Ellison. 2008. "Separating Fact From Fiction: An Examination of Deceptive Self-Presentation in Online Dating Profiles." Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 34(8): 1023-1036.

Valkenburg, Patti M., and Jochen Peter. 2007. "Who Visits Online Dating Sites? Exploring Some Characteristics of Online Daters." Cyber Psychology & Behavior, 10(6): 849-852.

Yum, Young-ok, and Kazuya Hara. 2006. "Computer-Mediated Relationship Development: A Cross-Cultural Comparison." Journal of Computer-Mediated Communication, 11: 133-152.

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